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For me personally, it's not something I desire. I've tried just casually dating multiple people at once, and it was stressful, and confusing at times....it's just not something I could handle. Me being the type of person I am, I felt guilty if I spent more time with one than the other. And when it came down to anything intimate (I am being careful with words because I was not sleeping with all parties involved), I just found myself comparing them. Which I suppose could have been a good thing if I were to start anything serious with any of them, but it wasn't healthy. Actually, in the particular instance I am thinking of, none of those relationships worked out. A couple got jealous, while the others didn't seem to care (even though nothing serious had even been established). Being a very sexual person, I see the draw to it. Some people would say they get bored having sex with the same person all the time, so they may believe by having multiple partners (all being ok with this), they have less of a chance to get bored. For me, I know it just means that I was not with the right person. I figured there would eventually be someone that I would not be bored with (even when we weren't kinking it up). Trial and error. It's a time consuming, tedious process, but it works.
In general, I wouldn't say it's not workable or realistic. I'm sure there are plenty of people who manage to make that sort of relationship work for them. Funny, I enjoy educating myself on all things sexual (mainly fetishes) and yet I am not that familiar with how others deal with this sort of thing. I have known friends to have open relationships or marriages, but that aspect of the relationship not working out that well.
Honestly, if you have the right mindset about it, I believe it is possible to make it work. I would think you would have to be very open minded and comfortable with yourself, and in turn not get jealous easily. And as long as you can manage your time and energy between the people involved, it can work. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, stressful, or emotionally draining because I'm sure it would be. You would just have to really prepare yourself for what you're getting into.
Seeing that I have no successful experience in this department (and really have no desire to try it again), it's pretty much all guess work for me. I can't really say it's ridiculous though. I really can only say that I believe it is not for me.
I hope I answered your question and didn't ramble too much (which I am prone to do).
In general, I wouldn't say it's not workable or realistic. I'm sure there are plenty of people who manage to make that sort of relationship work for them. Funny, I enjoy educating myself on all things sexual (mainly fetishes) and yet I am not that familiar with how others deal with this sort of thing. I have known friends to have open relationships or marriages, but that aspect of the relationship not working out that well.
Honestly, if you have the right mindset about it, I believe it is possible to make it work. I would think you would have to be very open minded and comfortable with yourself, and in turn not get jealous easily. And as long as you can manage your time and energy between the people involved, it can work. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, stressful, or emotionally draining because I'm sure it would be. You would just have to really prepare yourself for what you're getting into.
Seeing that I have no successful experience in this department (and really have no desire to try it again), it's pretty much all guess work for me. I can't really say it's ridiculous though. I really can only say that I believe it is not for me.
I hope I answered your question and didn't ramble too much (which I am prone to do).
Poly and swinger here. Not into monogamy so over time that has made me collect a lot of friends who think the same or close to it.
ReplyDeleteCompairing the people I have met over the last few years to those I mostly hung out with before (read traditional relationship views) I would say that in general the nonmonogamy set is much happier and healthier over all.
Troubles do happen, but that is the case with any relationship.
Thank you for your insight. As I've basically always been a serial monogamist of sorts, I was a bit uncomfortable answering this question. Mainly because I have virtually no experience in the matter.
ReplyDeleteI know several very happy poly couples. A good book to read about forming poly relationships is The Ethical Slut. Even if polyamory isn't your thing, it's a good read to gain perspective on relationships in general.
ReplyDelete~Elaine