Dealing with loss.

I started writing this entry basically the day after my last entry because like I said, I wanted everything to be fresh, and with every detail I could muster up. Unfortunately, more sickness as well as tragic events shook things up....



Tuesday, January 25th when I got home, Peter was on the couch so I went to go relax with him. I kicked my legs up on his lap while we tried to figure out what to do for dinner. He started smacking my leg repeatedly. I tried to make him stop a couple times until I realized he wasn't doing it to be a dick....he was prepping my skin. It's been a while since I've had a good beating, so basically I've gone soft. I took it for a while, my skin was red hot, until he decided to give me a break. We went out, did dinner, then came back and started preparing fruit bowls for the week. By the time we finished that, it was late and he had to get up early for work (by early I mean 1am). He gave me a choice; either we could have fun that night but not to the full extent we were hoping (and risk him being exhausted for work), or we could have fun the next day and really go all out. I opted for the latter, but we still had sex. When we got to the bedroom, he pinched my nipples and forced me to my knees. I told him that I thought we weren't doing the whole shebang, and he simply said that that doesn't mean I can't be on my knees for him. I sucked on him for a while, then he told me to get myself ready for his cock. I lubed up while I continued to suck on him a few minutes longer, then he had me get on my knees on the bed. He fucked me for a while, and couldn't stop grabbing my ass and just staring at it. He hasn't fucked it in so long and I know he really wants to. Even if I hadn't known before we started to fuck, I would have because he kept circling my hole with his thumb as he fucked my cunt. Eventually he had me flip over so he could be on top of me. He told me he wanted me to cum for him, so I began to touch myself. It was in this moment when I realized just how much it turns me on to watch him watch me masturbate. I don't know if it's just that he was watching that, or the fact that he was watching me touch myself while he fucked me. Either way....it was hot, and I came so fucking hard. I started to play with his nipples when he moved back down closer to me, something I noticed a few nights ago that really does it for him. Flicking my tongue against them, sucking gently on them, pinching them...it drives him wild. I found a nice rhythm between what he liked while he fucked me. Listening to him moan, his cock swelling inside of me, the familiar rhythm of him moving in and out of me pushed me over the edge again. Peter loves it when I am actually able to cum without the use of hands or toys. I do too, especially because it rarely ever happens. It turned me on so much, I really started focusing on his nipples again, this time more with my mouth and sucking them. First sucking light, then harder, and back again. I could tell from how he moaned that he was getting closer. Finally he came, and I held onto his nipple until I started to feel him come down (which wasn't for 20 seconds or so). We were both exhausted and just laid there for a few moments while we tried to catch our breath before cleaning up. I sat with him in bed for a little bit after while we played games our own DS. Even though I was just sitting there, I was still trying to get my breathing back to normal. It was just really good sex with fantastic orgasms.

Wednesday night Peter had plans to tie me up and do lots of fantastic things to me. We went out to dinner to watch the hockey game, then came right home to get to it. Well, I wasn't feeling great after eating. Something didn't taste right in my food. So we just started to ease into things. I sucked Peter off on the couch for a while. He said it felt so good he didn't want me to stop, so I didn't until he came. He was going to "take care of me", but from how he said it....I thought he meant just get me off, and I didn't want just that. So I declined, and got ready for bed. I started to not feel too hot, so it ended up working out. Though he later explained that he meant he was going to flog me a bit, but  like I said....not feeling great.

Thursday I was rudely awoken at 5am by the urge to be sick. I spent about 75-80% of the day in the bathroom violently being sick. Once I felt like I wasn't going to be sick for at least 10 minutes, I called the restaurant to let them know what had happened. By Friday, I was better. I just felt really sore and still a little nauseated, so playing was still out of the question.

Saturday, January 29th in the early morning I received a call from my mother with some terrible news. One of my best friends (who was considered family) was killed in a car crash late Friday night. I have basically been wreck since, which would explain why I seemed to drop off the face of the earth for the last couple weeks. We've tried to have sex since then and it has been good, I've just been not really "all there".

Yesterday before going to a super bowl party, we had sex and it was really good. Randomly I asked him to use the candle wax. Now, I've never done this before, he has. So it was my first time getting hot candle wax dripped on me. At first it was a little intense and I wasn't sure if I liked it. Peter dripped it on my chest and stomach, then a little on my legs. He had me move to the edge of the bed so I could suck on his cock while he dripped the wax on me. Covering my tits with the wax as I screamed with his cock deep in my mouth...ahh, I'm sure it was quite a lovely sight for him. I know I sure started to enjoy it. When he moved to slide inside of me, I was super slick so he slid right in. He fucked me as he dripped more wax on me. Sometimes when he'd bring the candle up higher, it would splash against my skin and small drips would hit my neck, sending crazy sensations of slight pain all over. I asked him to drip some directly onto my nipples. I wanted to know what that felt like. I will say this right now....it is painful. A sexy kind of painful, but still....painful. They are still quite tender today.

I wanted to play when we got home, but neither of us was feeling up for it. I'd love to play tonight, but his work has decided to dick him around once more, so his new Monday work schedule is 4pm to midnight. Yes, he still has tomorrow off, but I don't so no playing tonight. If I want any sort of play action tomorrow, it will basically have to be right when I get home from work because he has to wake up on Wednesday at 1am for work.


I'm still trying to heal from all of the pain of my friends death, but I know it is going to take a lot of time. I keep trying to distract myself with things I enjoy doing, but every down moment I get I just feel....off.

Breaking skin.

Wednesday morning, Peter sent me this text: "We're gonna have some fun on Friday slut. I want to see that ass turn black and blue." Of course this excited me to my very core, so before actually going to bed, I had masturbated. The combination of the text and self pleasure probably led to the pretty intense sex dreams I had that night. The one I remember the most is the one I woke up to, which the end image that is in my head is me squirting everywhere. This lead to a topic of discussion in one of the groups I'm part of on Fetconnect. In the topic about how many times you have masturbated today, I mentioned how I had Wednesday night, and then had a sex dream later on. I then asked if that counted? Which lead me to think I could ask Peter's opinion on the matter as well. When I asked, he said "Yes, only because I want to be evil.", knowing that by saying yes, it would most likely put me over my limit. When it was confirmed, he said I would have to be punished. My thoughts were that once we got to playing, he would not allow me to cum, but I will get to that soon.

This weekend was filled with a lot of fun, both inside and outside of the bedroom, as well as some stress. Normally I stay over Peter's house the entire weekend. But near the end of the work day on Friday, he told me to just come straight to his house (instead of going to get my dog, then coming over), and that I probably shouldn't stay over. When I got off work and had started on my way to his house, he called to tell me if I want to stay to go get my dog, then come over. The issue had been his work. They were trying to make him work a position he had not been trained for (even though he has asked many times to be trained). Anyway...long story short, by the end of the day things were worked out, and he didn't have to work. So I went to pack my things, and head on over. After having some dinner, we came back and snuggled on the couch. He started to tease me with a kiss, then deny me the next. This went on for several minutes before he started to grab my hair and guide me here and there. This led to me crouched down on the floor, and he whispered in my ear to go to his room, take off all my clothes, kneel on the ground, and wait for him. I followed his instructions and waited. By the time he got in the room (which wasn't very long at all), my legs had become painfully numb (I apparently have poor circulation). He grabbed my hair and pulled my head up, bent down to kiss me, then went over to his dresser. He pulled pulled out the paddle and gave me a few good swats. Then he went back, and began to pull more things out. I peaked behind me, and he saw me. He stopped, and told me to keep my head down and facing away from him. He brought the cane out and began to serve me some more punishment. I was giddy as hell because I had been craving the cane for so long. He switched to the flogger briefly until I told him that the pain in my legs was becoming unbearable (it's not the "feel good" kind of pain I like). He then stopped, and told me that he hoped I took advantage of my privileges while I had them, because he was taking them away (meaning my one time weekly self pleasure privilege). He then began to work behind me before moving in front of me, ordering my wrists out to him. Peter then tied them up tight, then told me to stand. I stood with great difficulty since the pain was pretty extreme. He told me to go to the end of the bed where he had laid out the spreader bar, and spread my legs. He cuffed my ankles and attached the bar. Taking my wrists, he wrapped another strand of rope in between my wrists and connected it to the headboard of his bed, effectively bending me over the foot of the bed leaving me incapable of moving more than a few inches. He resumed my punishment, switching back and forth between tools, adding the new Wartenberg wheel. When he dragged it down my sides, it tickled so I giggled. Which led him to do it more, and harder. God, that felt soo good. Occasionally, Peter would run his hand across my cunt, feeling how wet I was, then gently teasing my asshole before he slid into me. It was an interesting position to be fucked in, but I enjoyed it very much. Being that restricted, and not having really any control....it was incredible. Eventually, I completely lost real feeling in my hands and the pain from it became quite distracting. Peter untied me and ordered me to my back, and fucked me so hard for quite a while. He allowed me to cum which was really awesome, and I squirted quite a bit. Then he went for the thing he loves; my ass. God, it hurt. He had been planning to get me a plug so we could train my ass, but we have yet to get around to that yet. Eventually it started to feel better, but at first...yeah, pain. After we were done, he allowed me to go clean up before he did. When he came back to the room, he brought me a towel to put on the bed and told me to sit down on it to soak up my mess. We sat together and talked about the session. He had been wanting to tie me up how he did for a while, and this was a perfect time to do it. He brought one thing to my attention that I never knew happened; he said he knew I was really turned on but not because he saw me drip...no no. He said my pussy was so swollen and red, which I had no clue that sort of thing happens. I learned something about myself that nigth! ha. Peter also mentioned that with the wheel, he broke skin. It wasn't bad, but deep enough to make me bleed a little. I didn't notice when it happened. Even if I had, it wouldn't have phased me since I am slightly curious about knife play. We spent the rest of the night nerding out; him on his DS playing one of my pokemon games, and me on my PS3 playing Dead Rising 2 (I just bought it, and I LOVE it!). We had to go to bed early because we both had to be up for work in the morning (Peter at 3am, and me at 7am).

By the time I got back to his house after work on Saturday, it was after 1pm and his dad was just finishing up installing a new stove. Peter's other stove worked fine, but this one was a newer, nicer one that his cousin gave to him. What threw me off was as soon as I walked in, I smelled gas. I figured it was just some extra gas that might have been in the pipe from the old stove. Peter opened a window to clear it out before we went to the store. We went out to go shopping, and upon coming back the smell was strong again. This became a back and forth issues all day. His dad came back and forth, replacing a hose....Peter ended up just turning off the gas to the stove until we were ready to cook dinner (veggie chili). I was a bit sore from the sex the other night, so he had to go really easy on me for sex that night.

Sunday ended up being a busy day. Out for breakfast followed by yet another visit from Peter's dad to try and fix the stove issue, the pet store, another visit from his dad, and then finally when we thought the stove was fixed we went to a baby shower for a friend of mine. The moment we walked back in the door, we smelled gas again. Windows open, gas turned back off..we were quite irritated. We decided to curl up in his room and relax. We talked for a bit, and nuzzled noses with each other. We started to get a little frisky after that. The craving for a nice beating started to boil back up to the surface like it did the week before. This time I made myself speak up. Peter said he would, but first he wanted to fuck me for a while first. God that man feels so good. When he stopped, he went to grab the paddle and had me bend over. He gave me quite a few good cracks. I kept squirming all over though he kept telling me to hold still. When I didn't, he'd swat me harder. To give my bottom a break, he had me hang my head off the end of the bed and suck on him while he paddled my cunt. I enjoy it when he smacks my cunt, but this was a different sensation. The hard plastic hitting my piercing which in turn hit my clit was pretty interesting. Dropping the paddle on the bed, he began to smack my tits, a sensation I never knew I would love as much as I do. A few moments later, Peter instructed me to roll over onto my knees and bend over by the edge of the bed. This is when he brought back the cane and gave me multiple whips with it. I'd squirm all over and the more I did, the faster and more forceful he'd flick his wrist, and the farther down my legs he would go. When he was ready to switch, he told me one more good one before grabbing the paddle again. You'd think after all the paddling and caning my ass would have been numb, but it wasn't. I felt the crack of the paddle once more....one after the other until he was pleased. Three more, he told me, then asked me to repeat that. After the first one, he asked how many more, and the same after the second. When he was done, he admired his work on my ass and legs before having me turn over to fuck once more. Peter brought his face to mine, kissed me and said when you can't sit tomorrow, think about the marks and how much I love you. So many times it felt like I was about to cum but it didn't seem to want to happen. Peter could tell and asked if I wanted to. When I said yes, he stopped to grab a towel to put under my bottom. When I came, it erupted all over the place including my tits. Peter moved to kneel by my head so I could suck on him while he continued to touch my clit. He made me cum until my squirting died down. He switched back and forth between my mouth and my cunt until he came, then made me lick him clean before allowing me to clean up. We pulled the towel up (which had been double up twice) and the bed was still pretty wet. I can't believe I squirted that much, but it's a pretty cool thing I think. I thanked Sir for the beating that I so desperately wanted (lots of use of the cane), and curled up with him. Peter told me why he stopped with the cane when he did. Apparently right before the last three cracks, the cane broke skin on my ass and I started to bleed a little. So that is twice in a weekend that we accidentally broke skin. Crazy, but it all felt so good! I could tell right away it was going to be difficult to sit down. We snuggled together and relaxed until I had to leave so he could get to bed.

Sunday night when I got home, my panties were irritating the fuck out of my ass. At work on Monday I couldn't move much without feeling the sting. It's now Tuesday, and I can still barely sit without feeling how sore I am. Please, don't think I'm complaining. I love this feeling. And like he told me, I feel it and know how much he loves me.