Everybody has issues.

Even with all of the events going on in my life right now, I want to keep writing in here. I might not have a bunch of new stories, but maybe I can just talk about the life Peter and I lead and maybe go more into the dynamic of our relationship. Maybe not…..who knows. Just a heads up that there might not be a whole lot of new kinky tales. They will probably pop up here and there until things settle down, but I will do my best to write in as much detail as I can when they do happen. Today there will be a short one.

Peter hasn’t been feeling very good lately, he started to come down with something. We weren’t sure what, but after looking online at his symptoms we were almost positive it was either salmonella or a horrible version of the stomach flu. I know salmonella would have been a huge stretch, but he had more of the symptoms to that than he did the stomach flu (although the symptoms are quite similar). It wasn’t until he was at work yesterday when out of nowhere his fever came back and he developed serious sinus pressure and congestion (which he has not had the whole time he’s been ill). He decided to go to the doctor after work, and found out he had a bad sinus infection. The doc still checked him out for all the other issues he had before the horrible congestion, but basically it was all leading up to this. Go figure. That wasn’t even one of the possibilities when we checked his symptoms online (obviously we understand the web isn’t a medical professional, but it was still odd). His doctor gave him super antibiotics that will hopefully kick the shit out of this infection because this is the second sinus infection he’s had in the last three months or so. I’m really hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel to appear at any moment.

The other night when Peter wasn’t feeling too terrible, he told me to go to the bedroom and get naked because he wanted to see my ass. I did as I was told, and he bent me over the bed. He began to swat at my bottom with his bare hands. We had just walked in from outside not long before, so my body was still so cold which made each crack hurt a little more than normal. I quickly warmed up to his touch as he continued to wail on my ass. Turning me so that I could suck his cock while he continued to spank my ass, he made sure my pussy was nice and wet for him before he bent me back over the bed and began to fuck me. Sir moved his hand between my legs as he pounded away into me. He rubbed my clit until I asked permission to cum. Once permission was given, I didn’t hold back. I gushed all over, soaking the floor beneath me, part of the bed frame, the skirt I had taken off prior to fucking, as well as myself. My own juices dripped down my legs as he began to fuck me harder. A few moments later, he flipped me over onto my back and pushed himself deep inside. Sir held his hand to my throat and pressed his thumb hard against my soft skin. Slapping me a few times, asking if I enjoy the fucking he is giving me…the little slut that I am. When he came, he was painfully deep inside my cunt and it felt so powerful. I was allowed to clean myself up before coming back to bed to lay down. He did not make me clean up the mess I had made on the floor, he soaked it up with my skirt while I cleaned myself up.

Earlier this week there was a submissive munch going on not terribly far from where we live. I figure it would be a nice way to meet other submissives in the general area, and just get to know someone out this way. Most of my friends live close to an hour away which isn’t terribly far. But to just go grab a cup of coffee or a drink, the drive can be a bit much. I talked to Peter about this and he was a little unsure of it at first, but knew it was something I really wanted to at least try. Unfortunately by the time I had learned about the munch, it was only a few days away, and I still have a lot of healing to do from all the crap that has been going on in my life. I have been keeping to myself for the most part which doesn’t make me the greatest friend right now. Luckily my closest friends are very understanding of the situation, although some do wish I would talk about my issues more. For me, it’s a matter of feeling like a burden or a downer. I don’t like dropping my problems on other people if I can help it. I do talk to Peter about a lot of stuff, but I feel like I’m a downer even with him. He doesn’t give off the impression that I’m bringing him down or anything, I just don’t want to accidentally bring him down with me. He has enough on his plate with work, car, and health problems that I don’t want him to worry about my stuff on top of it all. I expressed this to him, and he made me feel more comfortable. He explained that we’re a team now, and my problems are ours now, and we will deal with them together. Which me being the type of person I am makes me worry more because I don’t want him to have to worry about all the stuff I do. Which, he doesn’t. He’s the type of person who can see a problem, and ignore it if it isn’t actually his problem. For instance, my mother is having issues right now. They don’t directly involve me, but I know a lot about what is going on so she vents to me. I get so involved emotionally with the issues that it gets me worked up and worried, which leads to many panic attacks. Most of which happen when Peter is not home (she has a knack for calling when he isn’t home). Then by the time he gets home, even if I had a good day, I’m drained of everything and I just sulk. He understand that I’m going through a lot on my own, and he has been wonderful trying to help me get through the bad days, but he hates that I get so worked up over something that is not my problem. I’ve tried telling my mother that she needs to talk to a therapist instead, but it’s hard. I feel like I have to sugar-coat it because I don’t want her to think she can’t talk to me. It just gets frustrating when she asks for advice about the same thing over and over again and then blatantly ignores my suggestions every single time. I understand times are tough and she can’t get to a therapist because of the cost (even with her insurance), but she needs to do something. As do I, but I’m working on it. Sort of.

Anyway. My birthday is coming up, and I’m trying to figure out what I want to wear for whatever I end up doing. I’m considering ordering something awesome from Trashy.com, or just get something from Noir Leather next time I’m out that way. I still haven’t decided what I want to do for my birthday, but I know it will involve dressing up fancy for a nice dinner with my friends, and who knows after that. The idea of going to this place called City Club has been brought up, but I’ve only been there a couple of times and it gets quite crowded and warm in there. Or I could just skip that, and just come home after dinner and have fun with my Sir. I still have some time to think about it before the actual day. Hopefully I can figure out something to do by then.

Honesty....is key.

Peter and I finally got around to using his birthday gift Saturday afternoon. My concern with this gift was that it was three wheels instead of just the one, and that it would hurt more (and not in a good way). But I was excited none the less. When he used it, he did go gentle at first which tickled. He went a bit harder, and it started to feel really good. I was so surprised at how much I enjoyed it since I was still just getting used to the single wheel, but it was great!

Sunday, it made yet another appearance during sex. He ran it across my back like normal, but more on my ass and legs which I was loving ever second of it. Peter then had me flip over on my back, and started to roll it across my shoulders, collar bone, and up my neck. That when I started to freak out. The good kind of freak out. It sent all these incredible waves all over my body. The sensation was.....I have no idea how to explain it. had he been doing that, fucking me, and playing with my clit at the same time, I was sure to come. I just think that would have been difficult since he was holding himself up with one hand, fucking me, and rolling the wheel up and down my neck. Had a pretty good orgasm shortly after he stopped, squirting all over. Luckily we had a towel down (though it still leaked through to the sheets). We went to a show a few hours later, and I had a short skirt and a tank top on. Had it not been dark in there, and if anyone were to actually look, people would have seen little red dots all up and down the back of my legs, and a lot more on my shoulder. Peter was really loving my outfit thought because he kept putting his hand up my skirt as the artists played on stage. You'd think he was just going for my ass. He did that, yes, but he went up the front of my skirt more, and would pat my cunt, or slip the tip of his finger under my panties for a second. Everyone was so close together and it was so dark that I doubt anyone noticed. Peter was convinced that people were looking, praying that my skirt would fly up or that I'd bend over. I really enjoy the fact that he finds me that sexy where he thinks other do too. Since being with him, my confidence level has gone up dramatically. Obviously a good thing! Had he not had to work the next morning at 3am (and we didn't get back until roughly 1:30am), we probably would have had sex from all the excitement, but he wanted to get a little bit of sleep.

Normally I go home on Sundays, but since it was so late I stayed. I've started to take my dog over to his house every time I come over, so she was still there on Monday. I went over to his place, and we had a taco night. Quite delicious! His first time having vegetarian tacos, and he really enjoyed them. After dinner, we sat around for a bit, letting our stomachs settle, before going to the bedroom to have sex. The sex was wonderful, as it usually is. He made me come so hard and squirt so much that after the first orgasm, he laughed and said he felt like he should be wearing his swimsuit for this. I giggled, and he pulled me down on the bed so I was laying in my mess (even though I was already covered in it since it shot off like a fountain all over my stomach and tits), and apparently he wasn't done. He started to fuck me again and a few seconds later, went back to rubbing my clit like a mad man. I came hard, again. And squirted a lot, again. He laughed, pulled me down again (by now, the wet spot was up to my head and all the way down to my ass), and fucked me until he came. He pulled out to come all over me. Made me lick up what got on him, then left to go clean himself up and get me a washcloth. By now, the wet parts of the mattress were so cold. I was shivering from that, plus the "sex legs" that I tend to get. I cleaned up, he took the sheets off the bed to throw them in the wash, and told me to use a towel to soak up the mess I made from the mattress.

As I knelt on the towel, and pushed into the mattress, we started to talk. I was debating if I should even post this in here or not because it's more about life and "my crazy", but I realize it makes good sense to discuss this. Who knows, someone out there might have the same issues, and see that they're not alone. Peter was asking if it was good for me, and I told him yes, although I really wanted a good beating and have for some time now, I just didn't want to bring it up. I was worried that it would be wrong of me because I wouldn't want him to think I was calling the shots and telling him what to do. This is when the conversation took a turn, and I got emotional. We had previously had a conversation about how he doesn't ever want me to be 100% submissive, and that he doesn't want a complete slave; he wants to have his girlfriend too. Which I have no problems with, and I told him this. Though there apparently was a bit of a misunderstanding on my end. I thought he just meant in life in general, not in the bedroom. Through tears, I explained this to him. I swear, if I were a superhero my superpower would be the power to cry uncontrollably when I get nervous or just a little bit anxious. I would be the lamest superhero ever. He explained that he meant for it to be all the time, and that I can speak up. If I want a good beating during sex, I need to tell him. Peter said if I don't speak up, eventually I would probably end up being frustrated from not being satisfied how I want to be and go somewhere else. I don't think I would because I love him for so much more than just how he pleases me sexually. Which lead to another problem that I somehow created in my head. I'm afraid to tell him that I want the beatings because I don't want him to think I only want rough sex all the time. I explained to him that all of this stuff is fairly new to me. I mean, I've dabbled here and there with some rough sex, but nothing this rough. So it's all new, and extremely exciting for me. So of course I'm going to crave it more, but I just don't want him to think that is all I want. He understood, and told me not to worry so much. He also brought up how maybe we should take the roles out of the equation until I can get used to asking for what I want, or at least come up with some sort of way for me to tell him. I was really reluctant at first to skip the roles because honestly, part of what gets me all hot and bothered is knowing that I am his. But I can still be his without the pressure. Of course, all of this "pressure" is my own damn fault. I expect too much of myself. I've been trying so hard to get out of my head. Peter thinks I shouldn't try so hard, and just let go. Easier said than done, I know. I'm seriously a work in progress. I finally finished soaking up what I could of my mess, he kissed me a bunch, and we went to snuggle and watch TV in the living room.

This week I'm actually quite busy with work. I'm not sure when I'll get to see Peter. Probably Friday. I will do my best to ask for what I want too. It is my plan. I can't say if I will want a fierce beating or not by this weekend, but I probably will. I still want one really bad right now, but we'll see.